Dadpost: Don't Take Unsolicited Advice - Or Candy - From Strangers

This morning Sarah and I decided to take Hannah up to our building's pool for our first swim together as a family (she has a swim class but it's one parent in the water at a time).

There was an elderly woman already in the pool - she was there when I went up to check the pool's temperature to ensure it was warm enough for Hannah - and she remained in the pool when the three of us got in.

Barely a minute or two had passed when the woman decided to come over to us and share her years of wisdom. After she assured us to "not take offense" - I say "us" but she was looking at Sarah the whole time - she hit us with some knowledge: "Babies sometimes pee in pools."

When Sarah responded that Hannah was wearing a swimming diaper, this woman got way too close for comfort and almost kissed Sarah - whilst holding the baby, no less -  and followed that awkward moment up with another "Don't take offense" comment on her way out of the pool.

This situation left both of us a little stunned: what was the point of that exchange, and why would a complete stranger say something like that to us?

Sarah often encounters random people offering their advice while she's out with Hannah, and I can understand how frustrating it must be. Who knows their baby better than her mommy? Answer: definitely not some batty old lady or some housewife whose kids don't listen to her anymore.

This rarely, if ever, happens to me when I'm out with Hannah by myself; I just get people gushing over how cute she is. I guess it's because I'm the dad and the stereotype is that anything I do should be considered a bonus, but if that's the case, shouldn't I be getting bombarded with hot tips because I "don't know any better"?

It's a weird double standard and like most double standards, they make very little sense and are not based on fact. Both Sarah and I are more than capable of dealing with whatever comes our way baby-wise, and even if we're not always successful, we're confident that we have Hannah's best intentions in mind.

We've been with her every minute of her life. You, complete stranger, on the other hand, haven't even shared a minute of it, and if you're going to offer us totally unsolicited advice, that's the most you're ever going to get.

To check out more posts from my boyfriend Chris, please visit his blog Below the Mendoza Line.

© 2012 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

Are You Breastfeeding?

This is not a post about the benefits of breastfeeding. The interwebs and doctors are full of breastfeeding facts if one so desires.

This is a post about the inappropriateness of strangers asking mothers whether or not they breastfeed.

Such incidences have occurred to me quite frequently. Usually from older women, who clearly are not breastfeeding themselves. For the record, I don't recall ever asking another mother how they nourish their baby. As I point out above, I feel its inappropriate. I try my best to practice what I preach. I try never to judge other mothers period. Unless it's someone who looks like a model, days after they have given birth. But even then, I keep my jealous comments to myself. I am only human, after all.

Anyway, today an older woman in my Mom's condo building rudely asked me if I was breastfeeding. (This was after she commented that my baby is "large" in a discourteous fashion. Hannah is 75th percentile for weight AND height, and therefore is proportional. My pediatrician has no issues with her growth rate, so nor do I).

If we had been anywhere other than an elevator, and if we had not been the only people in said elevator, I would have just ignored her.

Instead, in reaction to her curt manner, I proudly replied, "No."

By the facial reaction of this woman, you would have thought I just told her I killed puppies and kittens for a living. Thankfully I had enough time to throw her a big smile before she finally got off at her floor.

How is it ANY of her business how my daughter is nourished?

So, today's incident is my final straw. I've had enough of being a friendly mom. The next time someone asks me if I'm breastfeeding, I'm going to say sweetly, "That's really none of your business."

Because it's not. It's every mom's personal choice to determine how they feed their child - and we should not have to listen to unwanted advice from people we have just met, or justify our decisions to people we will never see again. Like all other mothers, I decide what is best for me and my baby - I should not be judged by people who have no idea what my situation is or the factors that went into making my decision.

In my opinion, asking any personal question (like breastfeeding) to a stranger (or to be totally honest, ANYONE) is rude - so if they think I'm being rude with my response, my karma will still remain in tact.

And just like I ranted in See See...No Touch!, hopefully any strangers who ask me, "Do you breastfeed?" will now think twice before they ask another mom.

How do you deal with the breastfeeding question?

© 2012 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

See See...No Touch!

I have been blessed with a very cute baby. She is already showing signs of being a ham. As long as she's in a good mood, she has a smile for everyone she meets.

The problem with this is that some people take this as a sign that they should touch her hand, poke her chubby thighs or stroke her face. Would you walk up to a complete stranger and do any of these things? Even on a first date it would be super forward (and still pretty strange). So why do some people think it's OK to do it to a baby?

If I were a lawyer, I would point out the following observation in court. If you see a dog in a park, everyone is programmed to ask the owner to if they can touch the dog BEFORE they reach down to pat it. My baby is MY baby, if you'd like to touch her you should give her and her mother (aka me) the same respect you give a dog and their owner. Perhaps if Hannah bit strangers when they approached us my life would be a lot easier. Not that I want Hannah to have a nasty biting habit...right?

I have no problem with strangers looking at or waving to my daughter. However, if they attempt to touch her, I push the stroller away. Sometimes I'm not quick enough, and a few times Hannah has cried. I hope this sends a signal to them so that they won't touch my daughter again, or any other baby for that matter.

The irony of this entire situation is the people I don't mind touching and holding her (my family and friends) will always wait until I offer her to them. I guess they just have more respect for me and Hannah than random strangers do, even if they deserve to coo and cuddle Hannah way more than someone we've never met.

The time has come to band together. If dog owners can make sure no one touches their dogs without their permission, certainly us parents can make sure no one touches our children without our permission.

What do you do if strangers try to touch your child?

© 2012 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

Is It a Boy or a Girl?

As a new mom, I'm constantly checking out other babies to see how mine compares. Yes, I check out other women too - mostly for fashion reasons, but when it comes to babies I look at their strollers, toys they have been provided and how they are reacting to the same situation Hannah is in (especially if Hannah is irritable and the other babies seem fine).

More than once, I wasn't able to tell if these other babies were boys or girls. Like most people, Chris and I chose to buy gender neutral big ticket items. Hannah has a brown stroller and a green car seat. She has a brown diaper bag to go with her brown stroller. Her warmer coat is yellow. Many of her first outfits are also gender neutral as people didn't want to buy us girl clothes in case our ultrasound technician was wrong about her sex.

So I can understand why sometimes people can't tell right away if whether my baby, or ANY baby, is male or female just by looking.

A few times people have been wrong and I kindly tell them I have a daughter not a son (even when she is completely decked out in pink and has a barrette in her hair that day...). Most of these people have thanked me for being understanding and not jumping down their throats as other parents have done when they guessed incorrectly. What I take away from these encounters is that Hannah is so sweet she makes people she doesn't even know smile. And babies make people smile regardless of their sex. 

However, if said people are sick of getting in to constant hot water, perhaps just saying "What a gorgeous baby!" and leaving it at that would be better for all involved. And if one really must know, you can ask "How old is your baby?" as MOST people will respond he or she is x months old.

It's the plan I use with dogs - try to keep it neutral until the owner reveals the sex. Although dog owners seem to care a lot less about this issue than parents do.