I Could Have Been Elijah

This morning while I was at work I saw on social media a 3-year-old boy had gone missing in the 401/Bathurst area in Toronto. Quite quickly it was discovered he had left his Grandma's apartment - alone - where he had been spending the night. He ventured out around 4 am when it was -17 C with the windchill making it feel like -28. Elijah had on a tee shirt, a pull-up and his winter boots. The photo of him leaving the building through the lobby is haunting, all of us now knowing what would happen to him after he pushed open that door.

My heart aches for his family. All day I was refreshing Twitter - happy he was found, then crossing my fingers for a miracle while he was at the hospital. As a mom to a 3-year-old, I know just how clever they can be.

This tragedy is no one's fault.

I know, because at the age of 4 I also made it to my apartment's lobby - without an adult, but with my one year old brother in tow. I knew how to get on the elevator and press the button to go to the lobby. It was moving day and I suppose my brother and I somehow got lost in the shuffle. Most likely my Mom had told me to press the elevator button and wait for her and obviously I did not. When the elevator doors opened in the lobby, my Dad was standing right there and intercepted our escape.

Why I chose to get on the elevator alone (well, again, with my one year old brother) I'm not sure. Why I pressed the button to go to the lobby, I'm not sure. But I did these things. And for an entire elevator ride, my brother and I were without adult supervision. And it wasn't anyone's fault.

We will never know why Elijah put on his winter boots and left his Grandma's apartment so early in the morning on such a frigid day.

Please do not blame his family - this tragedy could have happened to anyone, and I am living proof.

Keep Elijah's family in your thoughts and prayers instead. I know I will be.

RIP Elijah.

© 2015 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

Officially 3, Officially a Mom

Yesterday Hannah turned 3. I remarked to Chris that I now "officially" feel like a Mom. I asked him when he officially felt like a Dad, and he said the day Hannah was born.

Now before you think I'm crazy (like he clearly did) and regret reading the lifestyle/parenting blog of someone who didn't "officially" think they were a parent, please hear me out.

When Honour Roll Students Attempt to Parent

Today was Hannah's last class for her spring swimming lessons. Since we moved this past winter, it was the first session at a new pool, and we took the classes through the City of Toronto.

In our private lessons, we didn't receive anything at the last class.

Today Hannah received a "progress report". She did not pass. However, she can't move up to the next level until she's 3 anyways. So why am I so upset? Why do I feel like I let her down? And why, when Chris saw us getting the report did he hope she had passed too?

Good Cop, Bad Cop

When I found out I was pregnant, I assumed I would be the "bad" cop when it came to disciplining our child. Years of teaching recreational gymnastics and being a camp counsellor during my high school summers taught me how to deal with kids. When they are upset, distract. When they fall, act like it's not a big deal so they don't freak out. If a child was misbehaving, I was the usually the one who sat down with them and explained to them why they were yanked from the "Red Light, Green Light" game for tripping a fellow camper.

However, when it comes to my own daughter, she is has me wrapped around her super tiny little finger. When she yelps just slightly her distaste about my taking away a toy, it's immediately back in her palms. She even looks at something in the store, and I already have it in the cart to purchase. (However, my Mom is a lot worse...when Chris and I try to convince the other that Hannah doesn't need something my Mom offers to buy it...this is what we call being "Grandma'd"...and why Hannah has an Elmo book about sleeping in a big bed even though thats months away and why she has a toy guitar).

Top 5 Ways Pregnancy Prepared Me for Motherhood

Hannah is 9 months old today. That means she spent as much time as a resident in my body as she has on planet Earth.

To celebrate that, here are my top five ways pregnancy prepared me for motherhood.

1. Your Life Changes Dramatically and It Is No Longer About You

Me and Booyah, 30 Weeks

In the simplest way, your body is no longer your body - it belongs to the baby growing inside you. This obviously makes drastic differences on how you choose to live your life.

The hardest thing about being pregnant was giving up sushi. I LOVE SUSHI. But the baby's needs came first, and I was happy to do anything to ensure she would be the healthiest baby she could be. Not being able to consume a beer on a patio last summer was also difficult. But, it's not like I was able to do it this summer either.

You also feel this weird sense of purpose in creating the healthiest baby your body will allow, and then being the best mother you can be to the child you are blessed with.

2. The Opposite Sex Reacts Differently To You

Once my pregnancy was announced on Facebook, it was almost enjoyable to see all the messages pour in from guys I dated in the past...their messages read, "Congratulations! How exciting!" but what they were really saying is, "Whoa, if we were still dating I might have been this baby's father. Glad it's not me!"

One day, when I was past 5 months pregnant, I was waiting for the subway at Union Station. I had my earphones in but my iPod had died. (I do this in hopes that strangers won't talk to me...). Anyway, there were two university-aged guys waiting for the same train. One of them was pressuring the other to talk to me. The pressured guy was like, "What would I say dude? She probably has a boyfriend, and I'll just look stupid." I wanted to kiss said boys. I never felt so great in my life. Five months pregnant, and still being checked out. (I clearly was not showing too much at this point, but an ego boaster nonetheless).

I'm not checked out when pushing a stroller, and that's the way I prefer it to be. I guess most people are fine with cheating, but don't want to be a home wrecker? I can't judge, I myself consider all celebrities fair game until they become Dads.

3. Your Friendships Change

As a 20-something living in the big city, once I couldn't drink my social life changed drastically. No longer did I want to go to bars, where people pushed and you had to stand on your feet all night. I just wanted to go for dinner (not sushi :() or see a movie. Where I could wear comfortable clothes and shoes, sit my growing ass down and enjoy.

Those friends who texted me constantly the week before my due date are still the friends who text me on a weekly basis if I have yet to reach out to find out how I am and how Hannah is doing. They are also the friends who happily dined with me and now happily dine with me and Hannah.

How your friends treat you while you are pregnant is the greatest indicator of how they will treat you once your baby is here. My three best friends are all childless (so far!), but are just as excited as me when Hannah reaches a new milestone. There are many stages in life that show you who your true friends are, and becoming a Mom is certainly one of them.

4. Your Relationship with Your Mom Changes

Our First Photo (That I Look OK in)

Once I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't help asking my Mom questions about her pregnancy with me. Hannah loved to kick, especially my rib cage. Apparently I was the same way in the womb.

Now that Hannah is here, I understand a little more why my Mom has treated me the way she has over the years and why she will do everything she can in her power to make me happy. Until your life is all about someone else, you don't really realize your Mom's life became all about you the second she found out she was pregnant...and you also realize the sacrifices she has made for you and appreciate her that much more.

I'm also very grateful that my Mom has a wonderful relationship with Hannah - her eye's light up as soon as Grandma enters the room. If Chris has to work and I am sick or have an appointment, my Mom will use vacation days to watch Hannah. My brother and I like to joke that my Mom loves Hannah more than us, but I am really grateful that she shows Hannah so much care and affection.

5. Your Relationship with Your Partner Changes

One of my married friends who gave birth to her second child shortly before Hannah arrived told me that having children is the ultimate test when it comes to your romantic relationship. I couldn't agree more.

Chris was great at bringing me home stuff I craved (mostly those little white donuts and pepperoni pizza). He was so excited to finally feel Hannah kick in the womb. He always checked in with me throughout the day to see how I was feeling, and tried to attend as many as my doctors appointments as he possibly could.

It wasn't all sunshine and butterflies as we got closer and closer to my due date. Sometimes I was upset he could still go out to bars, grab a drink with friends and do pretty much whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. It really irked me when he would come home and greet me with a kiss and all I could taste was alcohol on his lips. I was just jealous that his life didn't change immediately like mine had after I peed on that stick.

Once Hannah arrived, his life changed drastically too. His social life is now about as happening as mine (that is, not happening at all).

Regardless, having a baby has thankfully made our relationship stronger. Having a child solidifies the fact that this person will always be in your life. Even if you break-up or get divorced, you will have to co-parent with this person for the rest of your days on this planet. I believe that having a child together is the biggest commitment you can make to someone.

Chris and I still fight and upset each other, but now that there's another human involved we try to be less petty and focus on her needs before our own. This has really helped put mundane things in perspective. Even if it does annoy me that his dirty socks can't seem to always find their way to the laundry hamper, I know that if he smells a dirty diaper he will change her and make sure it finds its way to the Diaper Genie.

So those are my top five. I'm sure there are many more - how did your pregnancy prepare you for motherhood?

© 2012 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

Dad, The Babysitter?

It really annoys me when people use the term "babysitting" when a father looks after his own child(ren). As if to imply being a dad does not include the role of caregiver.

I am currently on mat leave, and joke that my daughter is the best boss I've ever had. When Chris gets home from work, the first thing he does is wash his subway hands, and if Hannah is awake, grabs her for a hug.  He is the "bath" man, he purees her food and never minds changing a dirty diaper if he's home to do so (although I am quite petty and offer them up if I am the first to notice the smell).

Is our relationship perfect? Of course not. But we feel comfortable letting the other person know if they aren't pulling their weight or if there are chores that need doing. We agree that parenting is a team sport and both of us need to strive for personal bests and share the puck (so to speak). (I always had great respect for single parents, and now that I have my own child that respect has rapidly grown into awe.)

I do not want my daughter to grow up in a home where she sees Mommy doing all the housework and child rearing while Daddy surfs the Internet or watches TV. I want to teach her that relationships are about equality and respect. I want to teach her about cooperation. I want her to realize that if she decides to start a family one day she deserves a partner in every sense of the word - someone who helps, supports and loves her the best they can.

And really, unless a father spends time taking care of their child, how are they to bond?

So the next time someone says, "Oh, daddy is babysitting tonight," I'll politely inquire as to how much his hourly wage is. If the rate is good, perhaps he can babysit my child too.

© 2012 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.