Top 5 Ways Pregnancy Prepared Me for Motherhood

Hannah is 9 months old today. That means she spent as much time as a resident in my body as she has on planet Earth.

To celebrate that, here are my top five ways pregnancy prepared me for motherhood.

1. Your Life Changes Dramatically and It Is No Longer About You

Me and Booyah, 30 Weeks

In the simplest way, your body is no longer your body - it belongs to the baby growing inside you. This obviously makes drastic differences on how you choose to live your life.

The hardest thing about being pregnant was giving up sushi. I LOVE SUSHI. But the baby's needs came first, and I was happy to do anything to ensure she would be the healthiest baby she could be. Not being able to consume a beer on a patio last summer was also difficult. But, it's not like I was able to do it this summer either.

You also feel this weird sense of purpose in creating the healthiest baby your body will allow, and then being the best mother you can be to the child you are blessed with.

2. The Opposite Sex Reacts Differently To You

Once my pregnancy was announced on Facebook, it was almost enjoyable to see all the messages pour in from guys I dated in the past...their messages read, "Congratulations! How exciting!" but what they were really saying is, "Whoa, if we were still dating I might have been this baby's father. Glad it's not me!"

One day, when I was past 5 months pregnant, I was waiting for the subway at Union Station. I had my earphones in but my iPod had died. (I do this in hopes that strangers won't talk to me...). Anyway, there were two university-aged guys waiting for the same train. One of them was pressuring the other to talk to me. The pressured guy was like, "What would I say dude? She probably has a boyfriend, and I'll just look stupid." I wanted to kiss said boys. I never felt so great in my life. Five months pregnant, and still being checked out. (I clearly was not showing too much at this point, but an ego boaster nonetheless).

I'm not checked out when pushing a stroller, and that's the way I prefer it to be. I guess most people are fine with cheating, but don't want to be a home wrecker? I can't judge, I myself consider all celebrities fair game until they become Dads.

3. Your Friendships Change

As a 20-something living in the big city, once I couldn't drink my social life changed drastically. No longer did I want to go to bars, where people pushed and you had to stand on your feet all night. I just wanted to go for dinner (not sushi :() or see a movie. Where I could wear comfortable clothes and shoes, sit my growing ass down and enjoy.

Those friends who texted me constantly the week before my due date are still the friends who text me on a weekly basis if I have yet to reach out to find out how I am and how Hannah is doing. They are also the friends who happily dined with me and now happily dine with me and Hannah.

How your friends treat you while you are pregnant is the greatest indicator of how they will treat you once your baby is here. My three best friends are all childless (so far!), but are just as excited as me when Hannah reaches a new milestone. There are many stages in life that show you who your true friends are, and becoming a Mom is certainly one of them.

4. Your Relationship with Your Mom Changes

Our First Photo (That I Look OK in)

Once I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't help asking my Mom questions about her pregnancy with me. Hannah loved to kick, especially my rib cage. Apparently I was the same way in the womb.

Now that Hannah is here, I understand a little more why my Mom has treated me the way she has over the years and why she will do everything she can in her power to make me happy. Until your life is all about someone else, you don't really realize your Mom's life became all about you the second she found out she was pregnant...and you also realize the sacrifices she has made for you and appreciate her that much more.

I'm also very grateful that my Mom has a wonderful relationship with Hannah - her eye's light up as soon as Grandma enters the room. If Chris has to work and I am sick or have an appointment, my Mom will use vacation days to watch Hannah. My brother and I like to joke that my Mom loves Hannah more than us, but I am really grateful that she shows Hannah so much care and affection.

5. Your Relationship with Your Partner Changes

One of my married friends who gave birth to her second child shortly before Hannah arrived told me that having children is the ultimate test when it comes to your romantic relationship. I couldn't agree more.

Chris was great at bringing me home stuff I craved (mostly those little white donuts and pepperoni pizza). He was so excited to finally feel Hannah kick in the womb. He always checked in with me throughout the day to see how I was feeling, and tried to attend as many as my doctors appointments as he possibly could.

It wasn't all sunshine and butterflies as we got closer and closer to my due date. Sometimes I was upset he could still go out to bars, grab a drink with friends and do pretty much whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. It really irked me when he would come home and greet me with a kiss and all I could taste was alcohol on his lips. I was just jealous that his life didn't change immediately like mine had after I peed on that stick.

Once Hannah arrived, his life changed drastically too. His social life is now about as happening as mine (that is, not happening at all).

Regardless, having a baby has thankfully made our relationship stronger. Having a child solidifies the fact that this person will always be in your life. Even if you break-up or get divorced, you will have to co-parent with this person for the rest of your days on this planet. I believe that having a child together is the biggest commitment you can make to someone.

Chris and I still fight and upset each other, but now that there's another human involved we try to be less petty and focus on her needs before our own. This has really helped put mundane things in perspective. Even if it does annoy me that his dirty socks can't seem to always find their way to the laundry hamper, I know that if he smells a dirty diaper he will change her and make sure it finds its way to the Diaper Genie.

So those are my top five. I'm sure there are many more - how did your pregnancy prepare you for motherhood?

© 2012 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

Book Review: Empowered YOUth

This is the first book review I've done on my blog that didn't have cute cartoons or text that rhymes.

However, it's probably the most important book I could read for my relationship with myself and with my daughter Hannah as she gets older.

Empowered YOUth is the heartfelt story of Michael and Jeffrey Eisen, who rose up from a tumultuous, emotional past to come together in a loving, respectful relationship as father and son, coach and student. Through this engaging narrative, they provide a refreshing perspective on how parents and kids can work together to empower one another by opening the channels of communication, dissolving fear, and surrendering the need for control.

As I was reading the book, following Michael and Jeffrey's stories, I saw a lot of myself and people I know in their journeys. The most important point I personally took away from this book is that support from people in your life empowers you - regardless of your age. 

The book isn't at all preachy, and Michael and Jeffrey are honest and humble when describing how they came to be the Founder of the Youth Wellness Network and a successful Life Coach respectively. 

They focus on showing you how to look positively at situations versus negatively, preferring to look at that infamous glass as half-full. Blaming someone or something else for your current circumstance versus being open to challenges as teaching experiences. Being fearful versus being faithful.

An example they provide is:

"I will never be rich." (Fear Thought and reality for most parents)

"I'm intelligent and resourceful, and I'll always have enough money." (Faith Thought)

There is a wonderful Resources section at the end of the book to help readers put in to practise the simple and straight-forward tactics Michael and Jeffrey used to change their lives.

Check out the book trailer:

This book has taught me that I need to be a "life coach" for my daughter as much as I need to be her mother. It has taught me we all have paths and coincidences in this life - which is a journey not a destination (as Michael and Jeffrey mention many times). I know this is a resource I will reference again and again as Hannah gets older.

If you are a parent, teacher or someone who works with youth, this book is your guide to "Do As I Do" versus "Do As I Say." Join Michael and Jeffrey's journey while you embrace your own. Empower youth and empower yourself.

You can order Empowered YOUth from Amazon. The book will also be available in stores on October 1, 2012.

Disclosure: I received an e-copy of this book in order to write the review. Thoughts and opinions are all my own.

© 2012 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

Dad, The Babysitter?

It really annoys me when people use the term "babysitting" when a father looks after his own child(ren). As if to imply being a dad does not include the role of caregiver.

I am currently on mat leave, and joke that my daughter is the best boss I've ever had. When Chris gets home from work, the first thing he does is wash his subway hands, and if Hannah is awake, grabs her for a hug.  He is the "bath" man, he purees her food and never minds changing a dirty diaper if he's home to do so (although I am quite petty and offer them up if I am the first to notice the smell).

Is our relationship perfect? Of course not. But we feel comfortable letting the other person know if they aren't pulling their weight or if there are chores that need doing. We agree that parenting is a team sport and both of us need to strive for personal bests and share the puck (so to speak). (I always had great respect for single parents, and now that I have my own child that respect has rapidly grown into awe.)

I do not want my daughter to grow up in a home where she sees Mommy doing all the housework and child rearing while Daddy surfs the Internet or watches TV. I want to teach her that relationships are about equality and respect. I want to teach her about cooperation. I want her to realize that if she decides to start a family one day she deserves a partner in every sense of the word - someone who helps, supports and loves her the best they can.

And really, unless a father spends time taking care of their child, how are they to bond?

So the next time someone says, "Oh, daddy is babysitting tonight," I'll politely inquire as to how much his hourly wage is. If the rate is good, perhaps he can babysit my child too.

© 2012 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

A New Best Friend

My new best friend can be kind of a jerk.

She is constantly the centre of attention, to the point where sometimes I feel I cease to exist.  

She likes to stare at people and eavesdrop on their conversations when we are out in public.

She's a backseat driver who complains when I have to stop at a red light.

She has constant mood swings and takes only milliseconds to go from happy to mad.

She thinks grunting is an acceptable form of communication.

She interrupts conversations. She interrupts movies. She interrupts TV. She even interrupts reading.

She likes to listen to the same song. Over, and over, and over again. And then one more time after that. Sometimes she demands I sing the song. Over, and over, and over again. And yes, even with my singing voice, one more time after that.

She kicks me. She bites my fingers. She pulls out my hair. She scratches my face.

She wakes me up at 5:30 in the morning because she's hungry. 

She has food fights with herself that sometimes ricochets on to me.

She loves to stick out her tongue and blow her spit on me.

She gets irritable when she's tired but refuses to sleep.

She pees in the midst of my changing her diaper. Frequently in public.


She smiles.

And that's when I remember why she's my new best friend. And that I will always do any and everything I can for her.

I love my daughter so much. I can't believe I once knew life without her.

The Pregnancy Test

This post is not about the over-the-counter pregnancy test. I believe I used the Rexall brand because it was on sale. To be honest I don't really know which brand I used. To be even more honest I still have the stick I peed on so I could go and check. For the longest time I kept it to remind myself there was a baby growing inside of me. After I had the first ultrasound photo I thought I could throw it out, but by then I had grown somewhat attached. That little stick was my very first link to Hannah, proving she was there growing in my belly, no matter how small she was at the time.

But enough about me and keeping things (I promise I am not a pack rat and you will not see me on an episode of Hoarders).

This post is about the relationship tests I went through after finding out I was pregnant.

One of my best friends lives in Ottawa where she works as a paramedic. After I had peed on aforementioned stick she got an urgent text from me. Even though she has one of those plans where it costs nothing to call me, we normally text. That's just how we are. But obviously that night warranted a phone call. After a visit to the doctors confirmed I was pregnant, and she texted me to ask how I was, I didn't respond, or if I did I think I said something like "False alarm." Not being in the medical field, I didn't realize it's a well known fact that there are no false positives, only false negatives. She knew I was pregnant but gave me the space I needed as I came to terms with it myself. And afterwards, when I told her on my own time, she was beyond supportive. She even went out and bought me "What to Expect When You're Expecting" which became my bible for the next 35 weeks.

Next up is my gay best friend. At first I told him I was pregnant. And then remembering he tells everything to everyone, I too told him the test was faulty. I didn't tell him the truth until I was officially three months and there was less chance of me losing the baby. Thankfully, he proved how much he cares about me by forgiving me for lying to him. And at that point, if he wanted to scream it from the rooftops that was OK by me.

I told my straight guy best friend in the most simplest of fashions. Once a month we meet up to drink beer, eat wings, watch hockey and just talk. He has been a sounding board for many a "Why the heck do guys do that?" When I explained to him why I wasn't ordering a beer and that I wouldn't be able to be his drinking buddy for pretty much the next year, he was really excited and happy for me. He even let me monopolize the conversation with baby talk. And I'm pretty sure he even picked up the cheque.

This post wouldn't be complete without mentioning the reaction of a close mutual friend Chris and I share from university. Chris and I even fought over who got to tell her about the pregnancy (he beat me to telling her when had started to date, and therefore I lawyered him with that point, and hence won the chance to tell her). She squealed so loudly the whole restaurant turned to look and she just kept hugging me. To this day, she is the only person I got somewhat teary with when I introduced her to Hannah.

The best thing about all of these people (and many of my other friends) is that after I gave birth to Hannah the way they treat me remains unchanged. For now, Hannah just tags along when I hang out with them. They are still honest with me, still gossip with me and still talk to me about what's going on in their lives. They accommodate my new status as a Mom, but not at the sake of our friendship.

I can't finish a post about sharing pregnancy news without mentioning my brother's reaction. Even without all the extra hormones flowing through my body, a text he sent me the day after I told him would have brought me to tears. He wrote, simply, "So this is what winning the lottery feels like." I can honestly say that is probably the mushiest thing my brother has ever said to me in his 27 years on this planet. And it's probably the truest too.